SARA IS LOCO

While out before being an actor and then a good girlfriend, I stepped out of Ricky's on 3rd Ave and saw Rick Ocasek and his wife Paulina Porizkova walking towards me, arm in arm. I stopped for a minute and smiled as if I were pals with them. Then I realized that I was standing directly in their way like a chimp named Sammy, who saw the color yellow for the first time. They kindly walked around me. I have been singing "You Might Think" under my breath ever since.

Posted by saraisloco at 2:42 PM | Permalink | Comments

I get to watch Conan O' Brien while chatting on IM's with a handsome boy overseas.

And then I get to sleep to ten! Wow ten!!!

Posted by saraisloco at 1:14 AM | Permalink | Comments

Okay guys. Brandy and I have been so busy promoting our holiday romp fest (A Very Betsey Xmas) that I've forgotten to brag - er, tell you all about a very exciting career high for the both of us. Last week Brandy and I signed with a literary agent! And not just any agent, but an amazing one at one of the top agencies in NY/LA. I am just so proud of us that I could eat an entire wheel of Brie. Wait, scratch that. I mean how do you think we celebrated?? Over cocktails of course, at my apartment. I believe that bottle of Veuve never stood a chance.

So ladies and gents, I introduce you to the man who will help to put our names on award winning scripts, television series, and films. I introduce you to JJ Befaurtin........agent to the stars!

BTDubs, the A,B,F's of comedy for those of you who want to know: Always. Be. Faurtin.

And you're welcome!

Posted by saraisloco at 11:41 PM | Permalink | Comments

The Kissing Booth presents

A VERY BETSEY XMAS!

Written by Brandy Barber & Sara Jo Allocco
Directed by Jen Wineman

December 2nd & 9th, 2006 10:30 PM
All tickets just $5

The D Lounge
101 East 15th Street, Basement Level
At Union Square East
www.dloungenyc.com
212-375-1110

Can the wily eye-patch wearing 10 year old Betsey manage to help her 4th grade teacher Ms. Collins save the community center, star in the Annual Non-Denominational Holiday Joy Fest Pageant, AND learn the true meaning of the holidays? Come find out in this show-within-a-show, featuring the talents of some of New York ’s most fantastic stand ups, musicians and sketch performers.

Featuring: Brianne Halverson (Party Central USA), Michael Terry (Comedy Central’s Motherload, Party Central USA), Katina Corrao (Caroline’s), Matt McCarthy (Max!), Michael Cyril Creighton (VH1’s Best Night Ever), Amanda Pettit (Don’t Touch Me There!), Patrick Dall’Occhio (Johnny Lunchpail), John F. O’Donnell (Check Your Cool! Comedy Show), The Sizzle Twins (GSN’s I’ve Got a Secret), Shayna Ferm (Fearsome, Battle of the Funny Bands Winner 2006), Shawn Hollenbach (Mortified!, Oh My God!), Robin Gelfenbien (Freedumb, Sirius Sattelite Radio)




www.myspace.com/thekissingboothnyc

Posted by saraisloco at 12:45 AM | Permalink | Comments

Thanks to my main gossip squeeze, I have now seen Britney Spears' wank region more than my eyes would allow me.

Sweetie pie, I'm going to say this once - PUT SOME FUCKING UNDERWEAR ON!!!

This CANNOT look good to the judge who decides whether you or that no good bellyscrapping pile of cow plop, gets full custody. And where is that manny you hired so long ago?

Well I may not have the answers, but I will (god willingly) have this t-shirt.

Posted by saraisloco at 11:48 AM | Permalink | Comments

You make me smile with my heart

Posted by saraisloco at 6:45 PM | Permalink | Comments

My birthday dress, which I will covet and than buy a similiarly cheaper made version at Forever 21 or H&M:

Posted by saraisloco at 1:12 PM | Permalink | Comments

Let's take a quiz. Sara has not written in her blog in nearly two weeks. She no longer puts up flicker photos for all to see, because she hasn't updated her flicker page since the World Cup in July. The reasons why are because:

1) Sara got married to a closeted Scientoloogist movie star in Italy last week and needs to spend time as the beard to her new hubs

2) Sara started a new job and is far too busy running a Fortune 500 company to write

3) Now recently filed for divorce, is spending too much time with Paris and not even time with Sean Preston

4) Sara had (still has) a stomach bug that wiped her out last week

5) Sara's boyfriend came from japan and she decided it was better to spend time with him than to write on her god damn blog.

Now there are about four or five that are true. Maybe one that is false.

I'm leaving it up to you Sherlock to crack the case!

Posted by saraisloco at 1:07 PM | Permalink | Comments

I recently met someone who somewhere I'm sure holds some sort of clout. When it was mentioned that I do a monthly show at a particular theater, the person kept referring to my show taking place at ANOTHER theater. This happened maybe four times in the course of seven to ten minutes. I was none too pleased. Especially since I find the OTHER theater to not really be my cup o' tea.

So the next time you ask someone where their fabulous monthly show takes place, don't then, five minutes later keep asking about THEIR SHOW at that OTHER theater.

Posted by saraisloco at 7:25 AM | Permalink | Comments

IN THE FLESH EROTIC READING SERIES
COMIC SEX NIGHT
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 15 at 8 PM
AT HAPPY ENDING LOUNGE, 302 BROOME STREET, NYC
(B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey, http://www.happyendinglounge.com)
Admission: Free
Happy Ending Lounge: 212-334-9676
http://inthefleshreadingseries.blogspot.com

New York’s funniest comedians riff about their wildest sex stories⎯from a horny gym trainer to a 30-year-old virgin to hot hotel sex and much more, they’ll make you laugh so hard you just might pee in your pants. With sidesplitting sex tales from Sara Jo Allocco (The Kissing Booth), Claudia Cogan (Check Your Cool), Jessica Delfino (“Rock N’ Roll Pussy,” I Wanna Be Famous), Julie Klausner (Free to Be Friends, Cat News), Todd Levin (How to Kick People), Mindy Raf (Collegehumor.com), Lianne Stokes (And God Created Women), Baron Vaughn (Tell Your Friends, Brooklyn Comedy Company), and music by the very foxy Adira Amram (Me and Bill, “Adira Amram Is An American Idol”). Hosted by Rachel Kramer Bussel.

In the Flesh is a monthly reading series hosted at the appropriately named Happy Ending Lounge, and features the city's best erotic writers sharing stories to get you hot and bothered, hosted and curated by Village Voice sex columnist and acclaimed erotic writer and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel. From erotic poetry to down and dirty smut, these authors get naked on the page and will make you lust after them and their words. Future themed nights include Revenge of the Sex Columnists (September), comic sex (November) and erotic memoirs. Since its debut in October 2005, In the Flesh has featured such authors as Lily Burana, Jessica Cutler, Polly Frost, Andy Horwtiz, Maxim Jakubowski, Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE, Edith Layton, M.J. Rose, Lauren Sanders, Danyel Smith, Cecilia Tan, Carol Taylor, and many others. The series has gotten press attention from Escape (Hong Kong), The L Magazine, New York, Gothamist, Nerve.com and Wonkette. This series is not Amanda Stern’s Happy Ending Reading Series.

Posted by saraisloco at 1:25 PM | Permalink | Comments

Well. Well. Well. Our little Brit Brit has finally used whatever sense she still has in her head, to get rid of the Bonehead. But what makes me most sad about the inevitable fall of this marriage, is that we still have to see photos of said Bonehead in wifebeaters, sneakers, and pinky rings. Well that and the fact that no matter how wrong they were for one another, or how shitty a marriage they had - they were actually able to get married.



Hey Colorado, Idaho, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Virginia and Wisconsin, I have an idea, why don't you hand over your time machines and stop setting the clocks back to 1940. I think if Britney was able to marry twice in one year, then surely same-sex couples should be able to marry oh just this once. And even if after two years, they decided to call it quits who gives a shit? Why do you decide who can marry and who can't? You self righteous pricks. I'm sorry, I rarely give a fuck about politics but it really depresses me to see that in 2006, we still have states who would like to ban same-sex marriages.

I have another idea. While you're at it, why don't you take away a woman's right to vote, make black and whites attend different schools..... and then GO FUCK YOURSELVES YOU RETARDED APES!!! Actually I do apologize to all of the apes out there. Even they're smart enough to know not to fuck with the GAYS! May your one-man, one-woman unions fall apart, and all of your children turn out to be gay. I know I'm hoping for at least one gay child in my family. And if I can turn them all, then the world would surely be a better place.

And KUDOS to Arizona for voting against the gay marriage ban. Just for that, I'll come visit your state. Aw, you're welcome guys. You're welcome.

Posted by saraisloco at 9:58 AM | Permalink | Comments

Best you show up on time and relish in the popcorn, candies, movie trivia, $1 store prizes, and free shots.

Hosted by yours truly, Nathan Kloke, and Chris Gordon. (Barber and Oren had to sit this one out)

COME ON EILEEN!


MOVIE NIGHT:
THE DRINKING GAME
Free (no cover)!

Cheap drinks! Crazy fun!

Otto’s Shrunken Head
538 E 14th st (btw A+B)
Nov 7th, 8:00

Featuring hot film shorts by:
Big Flux
Gabe & Jenny
Sean & Dan
Oren & Nathan
Gordon & Lubell

Posted by saraisloco at 6:15 PM | Permalink | Comments

Whether or support the dems or the repubs, just vote today for something people.

Otherwise, you might have to deal with an angry rapper showing up at your house and making you wear this charming slogan across your chest.

And I bet he'll also try to sell you his new cd. Save yourself the heartache and vote por favor.

Posted by saraisloco at 8:23 AM | Permalink | Comments

Thanks Mister T.

I found a new song whose lyrics, yes I am posting. All of youse who hate when I do that, can get f'd in the a with a dild (in the sweetest way possible of course)

Oh and as a reminder don't forget to VOTE on Tuesday. I was about to type tomorrow...because I'm still drunk from last night and have three brain cells and two of them are focused on my hair at the moment.

Posted by saraisloco at 11:44 PM | Permalink | Comments

How gay am I if I play the "Virtual Laguna Beach" game on mtv.com?

Posted by saraisloco at 10:34 PM | Permalink | Comments

The Kissing Booth presents: Baby Love!
November 4th, 2006
9:30 pm - $5 smackers
Doors open at 9 pm
The D-Lounge101 East 15th Street at Union Square East- BASEMENT LEVEL of the DR2 Theater
$3 Miller Lights! $4 Well Shots! Full Bar For You Fancy Types! Dance Party Begins Right When The Show Ends!

In this month's show, Brandy has a baby...but where, Sara wants to know, did it come from? Come find out and watch some dynamite comedy from:

with:
BROOKE VAN POPPELEN
ROBIN GELFENBIEN
BARON VAUGHN
LAURA MANNINO
JESSE POPP
CAROLYN CASTIGLIA
JAY BOIS
and a guest appearance from BECKY YAMAMOTO!

PLUS some other nonsense from your hosts, Brandy & Sara, what promises to be the most crazed dance party to date, super paparazzi pals Anya Garrett & Brian Van, lots of yummy candy,and Hi-Jinx Galore!

Posted by saraisloco at 4:49 PM | Permalink | Comments

Well. Sort of.

Pick up your very own copy of me in torn tights in December's issue of Glamour (with Sandra Bullock on the cover, but most importantly ME on page 244).

Posted by saraisloco at 4:22 PM | Permalink | Comments

On Sunday I celebrated the nuptials of one of my bestest and her beau. What a lovely night it was. I didn't realize how drunk I was until I nearly tripped myself - twice. Oh champagne, how you make me so feeble and weak while in your presence.

Side note - I think I ate all of the brie. My apologies to those who didn't have a chance to enjoy the cheese table.

But above all, much love to the Altuna's and the Tetaud's. And many thanks as well.

Posted by saraisloco at 6:44 PM | Permalink | Comments