Tuesday, November 29, 2005

"Mom It Came!" - My Sister Melissa Circa 1990

My lovely winter jacket arrived!!!!!!!!!

It's good to know that JCrew knows how to keep a promise. JCrew - can we date?

But Baby It's Cold Outside

Dear J Crew Winter Jacket,

When are you arriving to me? I know it's 60 degrees outside right now, and that it probably means that the end of the world is upon us (or that there's a warm front from Canada) but I could really use you this winter. Especially now that I'm without man to keep me warm on those cold winter nights. Feel sorry for me J Crew Winter Jacket. I love you.



The A,C,E at 34th smells like shit and has for many many months.

Just thought I'd let you all know this.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Someday I Will Understand...

  • Why I think it's acceptable to eat chocolate cake for lunch
  • My hair and what days I should wash and style and what days I shouldn't bother b/c no matter how long I spend on it, it will continue to look like shit. (and be feathered)
  • Why some guys have all the luck
  • Why some guys have all the pain.
  • Why some guys get all the breaks.
  • Why some guys do nothing but complain.
  • Why I felt the need to quote a Rod Stewart song.
  • Cocaine and the trill behind it. Yeah , yeah I know coke fiends - if I try it I will love it. Sorry I don't even enjoy spraying nasal spray up my nose and that's actually good for me.
  • My obsession with chapstick.
  • My problems with procrastination.
  • The ending of "Gothika".
  • Why I spent $10 to see "Gothika" in the first place.
  • Why sometimes no matter how hard I try, I find it hard to like certain people.
  • Why sometimes no matter how hard i try I find it hard to hate certain people.
  • Why I ate that chocolate cake. Seriously, my fat ass needs to know.

And He Will Be Loved - A Letter to Nick Lachey

Dear Nick,

Well, the time has finally come. You are free of Jessica, Ashlee, Tina, but most importantly that big fat prick of a pervert - Joe Simpson. Bravo my dear. Bravo. I feel as though you should win an Oscar, a Golden Globe...or at the very least a People's Choice Award for your performance as the lead in "I Swear We're Really Happy Together/Johnny Knoxville and Bam did Not F My Wife/Ashlee is really talented/Italy was Fun/My Wife is not a Whore" - the movie. You my friend, will be F - I - N - E, fine. You will have a rough go at this music biz, but will go on to do okay films and cute appearances on okay television programs. You will re-marry a hot broad and be happy. Jessica will be miserable. At first she will be noted as the "strong" one in the relationship when tall tales of your infidelity are leaked to the press. By the way, I'm being very kind when I call Us Weekly, People, In Touch, Celebrity Living - the press. Very, very kind. She will star as a dumb blonde in every movie her daddy pushes her to be in, will marry some guy she meets in rehab, will never know what it's like to have a normal marriage. This is a good time to start feeling sorry for her ass.

This is also a good time for me to introduce myself as perhaps one of the lucky ladies who gets to dance with you at the Dark Room to "Gasolina". No? Nothing? No one?

Well I tried.

Love you kitten,

Saturday, November 26, 2005

So Fat and So Clean Clean

Big Barry's - LI, NY - 1984. Grandmere (in the sunglasses), me the tiny little minx next to her.
This is me, my great-grandmother, my two sisters and my cousins Peter and Krissy, heading out of Big Barry's. I think I had the mac and cheese and weenie bites. Peter I remember, ordered the $15 steak. Lovely.
I'm still at my parents but heading back into the city this afternoon. I am full beyond compare. This is not a result of too much turkey and stuffing. Nah. We went out to dinner on Thursday (a thank you portion control). I'm merely speaking of last night's dinner with some of my bestest friends in the entire world from back home. We went to this Italian family style place (La Parma), and I kept eating even when everyone else's plates were removed by the busboy. I also got drunk and told my friend Bobby who I've now know known for well over ten years, that if given the right amount of wine I would totally hook up with him. Who does that? Oh a drunk. Today I can feel my arteries clog and I could care less. I had me some fun.
Sometimes I think that if I could drink wine and eat pasta....I'd be 300 pounds. Oh and happy. Especially if it's penne ala vodka with prosciutto on top. A yum yum yum. I used to say "I'm marrying a Jew!" But now I think I'll marry an Italian doctor instead. Yeah, cause I have all the say in that. Right. Keep eating fatty.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Over and Out

Going home to my parents now. (by way of my sister's new apartment in Forest Hills) Don't say I didn't warn you. Coming back later in the weekend and will update more.

PS I could write from their computer at home but my mom hates when she loses her daughter to her blog.

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all.

And The Two Shall Never Meet

I've never seen "Mystic Pizza" and yet I feel like every one of my girlfriends has. It's on E! (say huh?) and I'm home sick watching it and eating wanton soup. I tuned into the part where Annabeth Gish (from Shag! - one of the best movies EVER) sleeps with her boss. Then his wife shows up. Now Julia Roberts is being a star in the making and screaming at her sister (Gish) for borrowing her boots. Seriously, why haven't I ever seen this fucking movie??

Apparently Matt Damon and all his sexiness appears as someone's brother. I am so renting this fucker.

Sneak Peak!

Get a load of this!

I'm not saying much but there may or may not be more Sara and Brandy than any man (or woman) can handle. And that's a good thing. We're working on some shorts for our new series, "Supersleuths" and also planning on doing some videos of Betsey fat little child who will hump ANYTHING)

In the meantime, grab a seat and a beer and suck this in:

Sara and Brandy in Character: People You Wouldn't Invite to Dinner
One week from today peeps. 8pm at Mo Pitkin's.

And have a lovely thanksgiving. Me? Oh I'm heading home to the island that is strong to spend it with my parents and sister. (Melissa - we love you and yes I have yet to mail your card) I'll give it to you in Christmas and you can save it for next year)


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I Miss You

Yeah....I do.



There is a guy I work with who reminds me of a guy I used to hook up with. This makes it very hard for me because sometimes in the right light, I want to crawl on top of the guy from work pretending he's the guy I used to hook up with.

Oh Sara Jo.

Because You Asked.....

The lyrics to Usher's "Let it Burn"
It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think ya gonna change ya
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus theres so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burnLet it burnGotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for you except but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
You know that it was through
Let it burnLet it burnGotta let it burn
Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself
Callin' her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too lateI
know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do nowTo get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my booo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-eleven days, um-teen hours
Imma be burnin' till you return
Let it burn
Side note: Erica and I once made up a dance to this. No, not in third grade...last year. We're gay.

If You Get Caught Between the Moon and New York City

Separated at birth?

My sister Melissa seems to think that I'm the millenniums answer to Arthur Bach (are we using the term millennium anymore, or is that saved for Robbie Williams songs only?) Well so what if I am in some sort of bizarro way?? I enjoy my life and make no apologies for it. Though lately I've had to have a little self reflection. Here is what I discovered about myself (take 104)
1) I like Lionel Ritchie, Kenny Loggins, and Chicago (the group - a doy)
2) I shouldn't be allowed to own nice things because I sort of don't know how to take care of them (case in point my ipod which I dropped - by accident - this morning on 33rd. It's all scratched up now. A nice one Allocco)
3) Mariah Carey may be having the sort of comeback Whitney could only hope for - but I liked her before and during her craziness. Yes, even when she did Cribs and switched "ensembles" as she called them, nine or ten times.
4) If I had to name one favorite Mariah Carey songs it would be "Honey" (REEEEMIX) and "All I Want for Christmas is You"
5) I like Special K with bananas. (not the drug, the cereal silly!)
6) I fucking HATE opportunistic assholes who think because they met someone who is on TV or in films, it makes them that much cooler. Guess what dick, it doesn't.
7) I really like making out with cute boys.
8) I like guys who can make me laugh. But I LOVE guys who can break it down and be serious every now and then. No one wants to date Carrot Top.
9) My apartment is very cute and cozy.
10) I have suspicions that the coffee at work was made a week ago, that they never empty the pot and in the morning, just switch it to "on".
11) The cafe at my place of employment is OVERPRICED!! $1.75 for a fucking tiny bag of chips??! Not even in Hawaii bitches.
12) I still sometimes break down and by the chips.
13) You are adorable because you are still reading this.
14) I am adorable because Jesus made me that way (WHAT?!)
15) I like the Police song, "So Lonely". You can bet you will hear this at our holiday soiree on the 3rd.
16) I would not only date Ricky Gervais but I'd consider removing my chastity belt* for him.
17) I wish Michael Jackson still looked the way he did when he released "Off the Wall". True the voice is still slightly creepy and gay, but at least he looked like a black man....a cute, talented black man.
18) I fear how to explain Michael Jackson to my children some day. It will be like the time I asked my mom why Liberace was so damn gay. (yes, I was seven)
19) When I was three I defaced a photo of Mother Teresa and Prince Charles because my sisters told me to. (please note - Mother Teresa has a huge X across her face and Charles has the word "dick" written across his forehead. Three years old people)
20) On a rainy day like today I want to be in a bath and have my butler serve me martinis in the little train that comes around my tub.
* removed long ago.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Could You Take My Picture? Cause I Won't Remember

Bran and I doing what we do best - sulking and safires.

I'm watching "Making the Band 3". I am obsessed with this sort of drama-bullshit. I just had a disgusting (albeit healthy) meal and am waiting for Bran to come over so that we can work on our lil' sketch for the Characters show on the 30th. (a plug a plug a plug)

Can I ask a question - if Denosh was bullying you, wouldn't you tell her to get beat? I would. Or I'd send Angela down to threaten to stab her with her hoop earring. Regardless, that bitch betta shut it and shut it fast. When is Diddy seriously going to make this god damn band already?

Maybe I Just Wouldn't Know What to Do With My Strength Anyway

So last night, Ang and I set out to attend a birthday party for my agent Robyn's hubby Matt. It was a delightful gathering at the Cellar and Robyn should look into party promoting for realz kid. There was an overabundance of Brazilian food, free rum drinks, and good times. Around 10:30 Ang and I set out to meet Miss Becky, her new beau, and DK at Planet Rose. What happened next can only be told through pictures...and quotes. I don't have the pictures but would be happy to share a few of the magical pieces of dialogue that I or Ang may or may not have said. This is the part of the post where I like to play Guess Which One of Us Said What:

"I'm real glad your friends showed up dicks!" - to a foursome who took up an entire banquet that could have held ten people.

"I'll rip that hoop earring out of your ear and stab you in the neck with it" - said to one of the four who happened to be a NYC detective (or so she said, I saw no badge)

"Make a move and I'll bring it" - said to aforementioned detective lady.

"Annie's not home so you can sleep over" - okay I said this to Ang and have no clue as to why? Are we dating now? Was I really trying to convince her that by my adorable roommate not being home, it was safe for us to sleep in my bed together? The answer is yes. A big fat yes. This is what free rum and chewing gum candies will do to a person.

Ang took some cute shots which I will post once she uploads them.

And for the record, San Loco was invented for people like me and Angela....so we can terrorize two 22 year-old boys who said that we were "old". Suck it kiddies. Grandma said so.

Friday, November 18, 2005

One for the Team

So I'm pretty sure I'm getting sick -WHICH SUCKS fyi. This is because everynight this week I have been out and stayed out way past my bedtime. I've also had an insane work week which means that I actually had to show up before 9:30 every morning this week. (how dare they) Tonight I will be here probably until 8. I was supposed to help out Giulia with tonight's Mortified and then head out with the ladies, but instead I am here working on some silly document I could care less about. But it pays the billz. Eww, I'm ashamed of myself for putting the z there.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Twelve Steps to Something

To drink or not to drink a beer tonight...that is the question

So I'm going to the $1 Room tonight with Bran and am contemplating not having one drink. Only because I want to go home after and go to bed. But come on, one beer's not going to kill me. Jesus Christ. Am I a drunk? Am I five seconds from soaking listerine through bread ala my grandfather?

Yes. Yes I think I am.

Goin' Steady. Goin' Steady. Steady for Good.

"It won't last, not at all. He's too thin. She's too tall."
What is it about Hollywood that even the most seasoned D level celeb and friend of Paris, thinks it's okay to get engaged after dating a reality no-one for two months? What is it about the pseudo fame and tons of money that makes people think they can make it to the altar (or chupah) without crashing and burning en route??!! These kids know where they live right? And that in that town ten years of marriage is considered "a lifetime"? Oh you two little shampts. (It's a new word I am trying out. A hybrid of shits and scamps that will never catch on. Mark my words) Good luck. I can't wait until your third month of dating when you realize that the weird thing Kimberly does in her sleep isn't going anywhere. Or that strange tick Talan has when you mention his mom doesn't dissipate by week 40. Good luck suckas.

And by the way Talan, where did you get the money to buy her a five - carat ring? Did you steal it from Paris's jewelry box? Or worse yet - Rod's?

Oh the humanity.

Otanjobi Omedeto!

Happy Birthday blog! I got you a present!

Fine I didn't. This should come as no suprise to you considering that I was drunk last night and overslept this morning, almost passed out on the subway because the L gets so damn crowded, and can barely eat my free breakfast here at work. Sorry. Mommy will make it up to you with pony rides and a magician....on your tenth birthday.


I Will Always Love You I Will Never Leave You Alone

P.S.This is apparently Peter Cetera. He looks like a woman my mom plays canasta with.

So tonight Ang and I had a lovely dinner at Rice, where I left my ipod but did return to retrieve after a few cocktails at Stanton Social. Why do chodes frequent this place? I felt like I was on the floor of the stock exchange. Seriously. I got so drunk off of free glasses of wine that I turned to a table of them and asked :

Me: Which one of you will be the man that fights for my honor?
Chodes: DUUUHHHH who put the lights out?
Me: Who'll be the hero that I've been dreaming of?
Chodes: (simultaneously pointing to the youngest and grunt) HIM
Me: No thanks.

Next interaction involved me asking two French dudes which of them would be my hero I've been dreaming of to which one pointed to his crotch and happily exclaimed, "moi!".

Angie and I then hustled out of there. Ang pinched the waitresses butt, I stole a very expensive umbrella. I figured since my ghetto ass Coach sample broke in the pouring rain I might as well take a souvenir from the chodes who made my night so spectacular. So I stole one of their umbrellas. Then I cackled like a witch who just left bread crumbs towards my oven for two small children and hopped into a cab and hightailed my sweet little ass out of there.

NOTE: to whomever owns the nicest umbrella from a Delaware court complete with it's own protective plastic cover that folds down - you apparently are the man who will fight for my honor. Or at the very least size me up and down before enjoying your Manhattan.

We surely did it all for the glory of love.


PPS. This is dedicated to Brandy Barber who always dares me to do the silliest of things...Which I then gladly do...Without ever receiving the shiny dollars she so promises.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


Is Jason Schwartzman dating anyone? If not, I think we'd make a cute couple.

Just thought I'd throw it out there.

You Look So Good To Me Like Living in a Fantasy

Pop and lock that shit

Perhaps the greatest movie of all-time is Citizen Kane. A close second would have to be "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo". I remember when this movie came out and my mom took Melissa and Aimee, and I had to go see Pinocchio with my dad at the Commack Multiplex. Man was I pissed. How dare they keep me apart from Ozone? A year later it was released on video and I think my sisters and I rented it every fucking week. We all wanted to break so badly. Aimee probably was the best since she is the dancer in the family. Melissa had the parachute pants with zippers - close but no cigar senora. Me? Well I tried my damnest to crawl on my ceiling like Turbo did in the scene when he tries to impress that Hispanic chick. I used to sing that song "I Don't Wanna Come Down" that they play in that scene, and try to crawl on my walls. My mother discovered this one afternoon and convinced me that Turbo wasn't magical. This was an old Hollywood trick. Why those little bastards.
Still 21 (GULP) years later, I may still try from time to time to climb on my walls. This has nothing to do with the film and everything to do with hallucinogenics. BONK.
Magical indeed.

Cause' There is Something About You Baby, So Right

Tomorrow my blog turns one. Should I throw it a party complete with mariachi band and carnival rides? Should I pierce it's ears ala Italiano? Should I buy it a toy from the used bin at the Good Will and tell it to get lost ala white trash? No. I think I'll just type the nicest post I have in weeks. My mom told me this morning, "Your blog seems a little angry lately". As if it's my child. Well in ways, I guess it is. Though if I did have a child I'm sure I'd spend more than a few minutes a day with it. I try to censor myself as much as possible. If someone or something pisses me off I try not to type about them or it directly, instead using stories, references, and song lyrics. Sometimes I type something that seems so right on about someone, but it's actually about someone else. This blog isn't about you. It's about me. After all it's called Sara is Crazy for a reason. Because I am. In the past year I've had cancer, two significant relationships end, moved into an apartment with an adorable roommate, gotten back on track with my career (by signing with a fabulous agency), been to Japan, Hong Kong, Mexico, St. Thomas, Puerto Rico, and Peru. Did a two woman show with my writing partner and rock, Miss Brandy Barber. (directed by our comedy sensei) Performed more in 12 months that I had in three years. Fell in love with a sloth named Milton, been hung over countless times, partied countless times, and discovered more about myself than I expected one could in a year. When we think of a year, we don't think of how much our lives can change. I think back to certain years that sort of flew by without much pomp and circumstance. This year has not been one of them. And I know this because I've documented it with this here blog. Recently my friend Kristin said she was done with blogs. Oh sister, I've been there. We all have. You get to a point where you can't think of anything else to say, are tired of talking about yourself (believe that), or are frightened by the weirdos who see your blog (thanks site tracker). I've almost deleted this blog a few times because I either couldn't handle the constant need to update, or thought I was done telling a bunch of people about my life. Lucky for both of us, I'm not. Thanks to those of you who read this religiously (Harvey my #1 fan from day one!), my fabulous friends, my parents for sparing me the intervention when they both thought I drank way too much last night, my sisters for getting on board and starting their own hilarious blogs, and the rest of you clowns.
Now get out of here, y'all are making me blush!

Monday, November 14, 2005

After the Love is Gone, What Used to Be Right is Wrong

Miss Rozzi feels the vapor and the vibration Marky Mark

Me, Brandy, and the broken glass Annie Lenox.

More photos than one can bare including one I took of my bra*. Why do I even bother to post? Let the pictures explain for themselves.

Me doing my Beyonce butt wiggle in Brandy's gloves. It was colder than a whore's heart in there

* No I will not show the one of my bra. What sort of a sight do you think I run here??!1 (ten points if you said a skanky one)

I Try To Say Goodbye and I Choke, Try to Walk Away and I Stumble

Though I try to hide it it's clear, my world crumbles when you are not near...
Okay so I'm a fan of "The Girl's Next Door". I didn't want to be, but it's sort of hard not to. I'm not one of those girls who always wanted to grace the pages of Playboy. Don't have a Double D sized rack. Hair extensions. Sex with a man who was around when Hoover was in town. Live in a haunted mansion in Beverly Hills. Attend nightly parties with the likes of Fred Durst (gross) and Paulie Shore (double gross). And yet, I enjoy watching the everyday happenings inside that g-damn mansion. I even like Hef. I respect the man. What can I say? These girls are silly, and yes perhaps a few braincells short of complete retardation, but they make a compelling half hour show that is revolved around their boobs, their old man, and their hair. And Sara likes it.
Now could somebody please pick up their 15 year-old brother? I think he broke into my blogger account and typed a post. A thank you.

Out With The Old, In With the New - 20 Random Facts on a Sunday Night

1) I am listening to Liz Phair's "Extraordinary" right now. This used to be on my ipod around this time last year.
2) I am sitting in my newly decorated bedroom and am SOOOO happy with it.
3) I just met with Drew and Bran to work on a few pitches for a little cable project.
4) I had two Sierra Nevadas and popcorn while we worked.
5) I like being left-handed.
6) I'm glad I finally have gained perspective on something I should have had a grasp on 9 months ago.
7) I'm happy to not talk to certain people while I miss others I've somehow let go.
8) Now I'm listeing to "After the Love is Gone" by Earth Wind and Fire
9) I got sad today when I saw that Def Leppard was in NJ in October and no one bothered to tell me or buy me tickets.
10) I am craving a hot dog and insults from the Weiners Circle in Chi-town.
11) I LOVE my newly decorated bedroom. (see also #2)
12) I want to make out with someone who doesn't know, and I'm too shy to tell them.
13) If anyone truly loved me they would buy me tickets for Def Leppard or for an Earth Wind and Fire reunion tour.
14) I'm scared of Tyra Banks
15) This is my 365th post.
16) My life has changed significantly since my first post - this is a good thing. A VERY good thing.
17) I haven't been to the gym since December 2004.
18) I am not that proud of this fact though thanks to synthroid I haven't blown up like the Sponge Bob Squarepants float in ther Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. Yet.
19) I don't really like "Run's House".
20) I know it's sort of gay but I really like that song "Sexual" by Amber. Should I pack my bags and head to Temptations in Seaside now, or tomorrow?

Friday, November 11, 2005

I Learn to Play on the Safe Side So I Don't Get Hurt

Doctor help me, I've been Vaporized.....

This should be my mantra. Why? Why after years and years of knowing my limits do I dare defy my body and do three shots of tequila? Oh Dad, stop reading because I know you already think I'm a drunk and I don't want to upset you more than I already have with my alcohol dependency. (We're just friends - honest to god).
Last night Danielle and I were to guest bartend at Vapor. ("hey what's this strange feeling coming over me....I think I've been VAPORIZED!" - Giulia Rozzi) Yes this bar did indeed have some vapor-esque mist thanks to fog machines in tables and behind the bar; good dance music until the end when it suddenly became a scene from a Bollywood film; a lovely mop which I happily danced with; one dj who kicked me out of the booth after requesting "I Swear" by All-4-One; all my peeps who came out to watch us mix drinks. This did not happen as the bar had messed up the dates of the much-promised bartending. I did leave with the exact amount of cash that I went in there with. (Free drinks are fun.) I did do an excellent pratfall at the request of Brandy. (And have a slight black and blue to prove it.) I did break a wine glass after exclaiming, "oooh Vapor!" (I'm high class) I did manage to pull myself together long enough to demand that we head home for eggs and chicken sausage which Annie was nice enough to make for us. (Thank you greatest roommate ever)Three people crashed at our apartment and woke up in different intervals to head to their jobs. A lot more had a Vapor filled evening of shenanigans.

Me gusta.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Cuz It's a Fine Life! (This Just Occurred to Me)

After being told by Roseanne at the Halloween party, that she was a "Newsie, I screamed "Hey guys I made out with one of them!!". Everyone grew silent and sort of looked at their feet or at a spot on the wall. I kept beaming, "Yeah I did! Cool, right??!".

No Sara. Not cool.

Musical Theater Fag?

Yes I am one. I am proud of that fact. No, really I am. If I could sit at my desk and blast showtunes, instead of Death Cab and Coldplay - believe you me, I would. Since no one asked my favorite show tunes to sing are as follows:

1) I Guess I'll Miss The Man - Pippin
2) Many a New Day - Oklahoma
3) I'm Not at All in Love - Pajama Game
4) Someone to Watch Over Me - Crazy for You
5) As Long as He Needs Me - Oliver
6) Friendship - Anything Goes
7) Light My Candle - Rent
8) On My Own - Les Miz

I mostly prefer the torch/belt type song but will always be happy screaming "Where Ever We Go" with Barber at 3am on a Wednesday night, at Muse.

Put that in your tiny pipe and smoke it, lord knows I will.

Tell Me Again....

yes it's small but I still want to see it
Annie and I are watching tv and we see coming attractions for "Just Friends" and before you can say, "wow I'm glad Chris Klein is in a movie finally" we have both fallen in deep lust with Ryan Renyolds. Okay I know you have Alanis. And good luck with that. But you are my dream man.
Just live with that fag.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

And While I'm At It

Who at 11:30pm last night called San Loco asking for one beef taco then almost cried when they said the minimum for delivery was $7???

Same person who dried her eyes and contemplated buying $7 worth of greasy mexican food because she was too lazy to heat up a bag of popcorn.

And that little lady would be me.

Hey Guys

Remember when Eminem sang about things other than his daughter Halie and his fame?

I don't.

For My Seesters

Cut us some slack, we normally look cuter but we were drunk and high as all get out.

I love my sisters. I honestly do. Though we fight a lot and Aimee used to beat me up when we were little (okay and maybe sometimes still does), and Melissa will forever think of me as an 11 year-old with buck teeth and red glasses who sits outside her bedroom and tries to be BFF's with all of her cool friends - these two are my bitches. I can say what I want, when I want about them. But so help me god if anyone fucks with them, I will take you down. Pretty much goes for my entire family. We are loud, we sometimes drink too much, and we're highly emotional. (gee maybe that's why my father is bald and rarely talks during family dinners - he doesn't stand a chance with these gals) but they are my sisters and together we will be your best friend, or your worse enemy. Choice is up to you. Comprende Tampa? Yeah you heard me, suck it.

Coming Out of My Cage and I've Been Doing Just Fine

When the job you never really liked is gone,

And the relationship with the guy you sort of liked is over,

Be glad you have such amazing friends,

I know I am.

Monday, November 07, 2005

This Show is Over Say Goodbye

I just went thru my top 25 Most Played on my ipod. The results reveal more of myself than I am usually comfortable revealing. But what the hell, we're all amigos here. Prepare thee to be appalled:

1) Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
2) Fantasy (the remix) - Mariah Carey
3) Sitting, Waiting, Wishing - Jack Johnson
4) Move Bitch - Ludacris
5) Landed - Ben Folds
6) The Scientist - Coldplay
7) I Saw the Light - Todd Rudgren
8) Bitches Ain't Shit (Dr Dre Cover) - Ben Folds
9) Dreaming - Blondie
10) Fix You - Coldplay
11) Holla Back Girl - Gwen Stefani
12) Upside Down - Diana Ross
13) Poison - Bell Biv Devoe
14) This Love - Maroon 5
15) Borderline - Madonna
16) Don't Take Your Love Away from Me - Vast
17) Heard Em' Say - Kanye West
18) Escapade - Janet Jackson
19) Rio - Duran Duran
20) Baker, Baker - Tori Amos
21) Off the Wall - Michael Jackson
22) Flake - Jack Johnson
23) Who's that Girl - Madonna
24) Writing to Reach You - Travis
25) Why You All in my Grill - Missy Elliot

Don't judge me people. I am merely a slave to the slow song and the occassional rap romp and...oh never mind.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Um, She Ate the Worm

Not sure how many of you have had the pleasure of seeing the Ashlee Simpson fiasco in Toronto where she shouted at some poor worker at a Mc Donald's who clearly was not impressed with the scrawny little fuck. If you haven't, check it out here. It's quite funny...and yet sad on so many levels. Guess this is what happens when your dad tries to touch you while you're making a quick costume change into some ridiculous pseudo Gwen Stefani ensemble backstage at your pathetic concert. I must say this, Ashlee KNOCK IT OFF. YOU ARE SO FUCKING UNTALENTED AND IF I COULD KICK YOUR ASS I WOULD SEND ANGELA OR BRANDY. Listen bitch, I'm a lover, not a fighter. NOW SUCK IT!

Friday, November 04, 2005

Shake it Off

Class We'll House You

Brandy and I took this sketch writing class last summer and while some of the more eager students were trying to find out information about Lorne Micheals and what sort of alergies he has, we decided to be complete dicks and write this. It still makes me laugh. I am then reminded of the time Brandy tore apart an ATM lobby by scrawling hateful messages onto envelopes and throwing deposit slips around. Or the more recent time I took leftovers from a date I had just been on and hurled them into on-coming traffic, then proceeded to flip off four cars. One that included a bunch of wall street chodes in a limo who offered to take me home. After politely refusing, I then spit my gum out at the aforementioned limousine. I think I've mentioned this before, dog and cats - don't fuck with us. If you do, what you get in the end will not be pretty. Yes handsome, just like that JCrew crewneck you're wearing.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Baby Come Back!

Don't leave us Giulia!!!

Last night I saw the fabulous Rachel Hamilton's show at the UCB. Y'all must go see "HAMILTONIA". She has such a presence and is such a strong comedic actress. It inspires me to put up my own one woman show, "Not At All Famous" about going out on auditions with Julia Styles and Kirsten Dunst when I was 12. Ha ha. Yes it's that sad. So my computer at work went bust and they gave me a fancy new one, but the only problem is that all of my fonts are off - way off and it's driving this anal-retentive asshole INSANE!! SIRE PLEASE!!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

The Roof, The Roof, The Roof is on Fire

"And I know it's gonna be a lovely day (lovely day, lovely day)"

While coming out of the L train at 14th/8 Ave, I smelled then saw this. I spent maybe a total of 3 seconds taking this shot before I made my way down 8th to my doctor's. I now smell like I spent last night at a bonfire. Wow. Hope I had fun and got lucky. I think I need to now dry clean myself.

Of course this cannot compare with those poor people whose automobiles went up in flames. This is another reason I choose not to keep a car in the city. The first being I can't afford $500 a month parking. A thank you.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005


Remove the ball and no one gets hurt.

I hung out with some British guys on Sunday night (friends of my roomies) and at one point I felt it necessary to try to coerce one of them into admitting that I would make a cute girlfriend for Prince William. He was very kind to agree, but not so kind when I started to talk about our wedding and he left to get another drink. Mark my words - William, you will be mine.

I fucking hate MySpace. I don't know. I can't get involved in any more of those fucking friend trackers. This blog keeps me busy enough and I barely have the time to update it once a day. I wish I had all the time in the world to sit and eat Amy's Organic Meals, drink juice, and have my nails painted. But I don't. I do work full time thank you. And when I'm not working I'm usually out. Except for tonight. My one night in this entire week and I'm doing laundry and watching trashy tabloids on tv. (which I love) OH GOD - ET just showed Prince William. It's fate right? Or I'm crazy. I usually get those two mixed up.

Uh Oh It's Magic...You Knowww

What? I was hungry. It's perfectly normal.

Can someone please tell Paul Cubby Fatty Bryant to stop playing "You and Me" by Lifehouse on Z100??! (easy there killer, it's the only station that comes in at my desk) Everytime it's played I feel like I should be swimming in my parent's pool while making out with a cute boy. Just like on Laguna Beach. Which I missed last night. I know, I know. Two of you are very upset with me right now. Well I'm sorry but I had to see a friend's show and then attended the party at the Magnet. Then I HAD to go sing "Landed", "He's So Shy", "Memory", "Saving All my Love for You", and harmony on "6th Avenue Heartache" with Brandy at Muse until 2:30am.

Also, I found out earlier today that I apparently was more drunk the originally suspected at our Halloween party on Saturday night. How drunk Sara? So drunk that I lifted up Marianne's Strawberry Shortcake costume and showed people her undies. Not bad - if I actually remembered doing it. Here's what I do remember - falling down a step sideways while trying to figure out who Brandy's Dan was talking to. It was one smooth move. Well of course I remember more scampish behaviour but I'm being shy and coy right now. Uh oh it's magic, indeed.