Friday, March 31, 2006

The Greatest 3 O'Clock EVER

I just found out that Def Leppard AND Journey (sans Perry but whatever I'll take what I can get at this point) are playing TOGETHER at Jones Beach. You my friend, can bet your fine sweet ass that I will do everything in my power to ensure that I have tickets to see two of my most favorite bands play ON THE SAME DAY. WHAT?! And just now on the radio they are playing "Africa" by the other greatest group ever, Toto.

Now if only Kenny Loggins would walk into my building demanding some sort of male travel bag for his upcoming tour, life would then be complete.

Really, it's not much that I ask for people. Not much at all.

Is This The Song That Every Ex-Boyfriend Sings About Me?

Well, doubt it. But I fucking L-O-V-E this song. So much so that I'm going to post the lyrics. Yeah Barber hold onto your drink. The rest of you who hate when I do this can seriously cram it in your cram hole! (insert sweet smile to your face, then middle finger behind your back)

Hello girl it's been awhile
Guess you'll be glad to know
That I've learned how to laugh and smile
Getting over you was slow
They say old lovers can be good friends
But I never thought I'd really see you,I'd really see you again

I go crazy
When I look in your eyes I still go crazy
No my heart just can't hide that old feelin' inside
Way deep down inside
Oh baby, you know when I look in your eyes I go crazy

You say he satifies your mind
Tells you all of his dreamsI know how much that means to you
I realize that I was blindJust when I thought I was over you
I see your face and it just ain't true
No it just ain't true
I go crazy
When I look in your eyes I still go crazy
That old flame comes alive, it starts burning inside
Way deep down inside
Oh baby, you know when I look in your eyes I go crazy

(SOLO)Oooh, Oh Oooh, Oh
I go crazy
You know when I look in your eyes I go crazy
No my heart just can't hide that old feelin' inside
Way deep down inside
I go crazy

I Never Find Out Till I'm Head Over Heels

Recently added songs to Sara's ipod in anticipation of a 13 hour flight to Tokyo:

1) Head Over Heels - Tears for Fears
2) Everybody Wants to (Rule the World) - Tears for Fears
3) Vacation - Go Go's
4) Burn for You - Kreo*
5) Lucky You - The National*
6) Right Here - Staind
7) I Go Crazy - Paul Davis*
8) Just Like a Pill - Pink
9) Hey Lover - LL Cool J
10) Lose Myself - LL Cool J (feat. J Ho)
11) Love - Keisha Cole
12) Amy - Pure Prairie League
13) Get Gone - Fionna Apple
14) Head Over Heels - Go Go's

15) Fast as You Can -Fionna Apple

*Songs I downloaded at the suggestion of Brendon.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Reasons I Might Still Be Single #38**

Because 95.5 WPLJ just played Def Leppard's "Photograph" and I actually screamed out loud "I LOVE this song" like a dude. Then I punched my fist in the air and started shaking my body back and forth in some sort of sad attempt at dancing while at my desk.

**title can also be called "Reasons I Date Guys Who Are in Their Mid-30's"

I Wanted to Be With You Alone, And Talk About the Weather

I will tear off your neck and shit down your throat if you so much as look at her the wrong way. Fag.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I Just Wanna Use Your Love Tonight

or tomorrow night. I don't really give a flat fuck as long as this fun-fucking-tastic song is playing on my radio at 7:20 at night while I'm STILL AT WORK. WHAT?!

Good news: I am leaving in ten to meet my mom.
Bad news: I don't get fucking overtime. (so instead I eat dinner from the sushi place and put in on my corporate card) What? We're totally allowed to do that.

I think.

What It Feels Like for a Girl

This little monster just ordered an egg white wrap with tomato and bacon and a large vanilla coffee because her debit card says she can.

Oh and this photo? Just a shot of me and my beloved Brandy fighting over some comedy. Yeah we don't fight over boys bitches, we fight over who loves comedy more. Clearly she won this battle, as I won the one with the bottle.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Tara & The Scholar : Or How I Spent Half of My Weekend

On Saturday we shot the pilot for T&S at my apartment. It was in a word, rad. We were total professionals with the sound, lighting, camera.

Not so professional - spending our lunch hour watching MTV's "Date My Mom: Spring Break Edition" and eating shitty food from the diner. Regardless, it's coming SOON to a computer near you.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Busy as a Whore at Sea

This weekend is shooting madness.

Shooting the pilot of a delightful new series you will see on the internet SOON. (along with the always hilarious Matt Sears).
Shooting a PSA all day, directed by an old school chum from my glory days (Mr. Brendan Daw). Also spotted in the PSA, the lovely Brandy Barber, Mike Stolp, and starring Jordan Carlos.

Parties, Parties, Parties.
Was every friend born in march? Seriously. I have FOUR birthday parties to attend tonight. Sadly, I may only make two of them.

And this random tidbit: the other night I got home from work and my neighbor from undeneath came upstairs with an opened piece of my mail (an "accident" she called it). She then began to peer inside my apartment and asked politelty if I could remove my shoes before entering MY OWN APARTMENT. I guess the sound of a pair of boots from Top Shop at 7:30 at NIGHT is too much to bear. I politely told her to fuck off. (in my head. Really I apologized)

Let this be a lesson to anyone who complains that someone is walking too loudly from their door to their bedroom after work, to remove their shoes. BEAT IT TROLLS. Seriously lady, scram.

Another random tidbit: I had one very long all-too-real dream about an ex-boyfriend and his wife. YIKES! But to my shallow minds credit, the bride was fat....pregnant but nevertheless fat. Oh but aren't they always??!

Friday, March 24, 2006

You Don't Sing Me Love Songs.....

Tweey Twat
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
This time next week I will be fully packed (hopefully) in anticipation of my trip to Tokyo. Before I depart, I have made an extensive list of shops that I MUST go to. These include but are not limited to: Muji; La Foret; Kiddie Land; Santa Monica; Oriental Bazaar.

Because you see kids, when you've gone to Tokyo as many times as I, you stop looking for the single, good-looking British dude and begin focusing more on something that is tangible and will come home with you: useless chatchkas and apparel.

Baby Barron PLEASE!

Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Blogger is STILL being a total dickpunch and refuses to allow me to upload any pictures, so I'm using the old tried and true Flickr. This would explain why I am posting this delightful little picture three or four days late. I walked by the NY Post man on my way to work the other morning, saw this, and nearly wet myself with glee: YOU'RE SIRED?? Comb over baby? COME ON PEOPLE. This is fucking journalism at it's finest. How dare you throw that copy of the Wall Street Journal at my feet. How dare you.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Reasons I Might Still be Single #98

Last year when the Yankees were in the playoffs I was at one of the games with my dear pal Kelly. She got up to use the bathroom, I sat there and ate my delicious Hebrew National.

In the midst of a bite I happened to look up at the game on the screen (never mind that we were in the second row) and saw myself, eating that hotdog. Two seconds pass and my father calls and tells me he and my mom saw me on tv and are worried about why I'm at the Yankees playoff game alone, eating a hotdog on national television. "Kelly went to the bathroom!" I yelled frantically.

Oh but it was too late. Baseball fans everywhere for one split second, caught a glimpse of what I look like if you were to come sit in front of my couch on a Sunday night when I'm watching "Sureal Life" (sans I Heart Me drawstring pajama bottoms and 'Montauk the end' stained t-shirt from 10th grade).

Mmmm, wieners.

Insert Belch

This morning at 9am I inhaled a cupcake fresh from the oven at Magnolia.

Three minutes ago I finished scarfing down a McDonald's cheeseburger happy meal.

Tonight I am going to make something frozen, unfrozen by putting it in the microwave. I will make myself feel better because it's organic. There will be not one vegetable in sight during this meal.

And my doctors question my eating habits. HA.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

You Should to See How They Talk About You

The dog, the myth, the legend

Blogger is being a total Wang Theater right now and not allowing me to download more than one picture at a time. So out of all of my photos from Boston (not including the ones Giulia took that I have still yet to post into flickr) I have decided to give you all this: Astaire donning his leprechaun hat, while riding shotgun in my sister's car on Route 84.

Okay okay maybe one more picture this time of

Mommy and me in matching track suits. "Computers are nifty mom!"

Right like I'm going to leave you with that

Funny, it didn't anything about strollers blocking their driveway

Okay one more, one more, god you guys are so needy

My pretty little Irish lass

OKAY just one more you assholes!!!


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Proof That My Father Thinks I'm An Alcoholic #472

I know I make some jokes about my dad thinking that I have a drinking problem. But here in lies the beauty of this magical father/daughter bond we share so deeply.

Please also note that he refers to me as "Dicky" as does my entire family. An ode to one of the greatest films of our time "Murder By Death".

My family is nucking futs.

-----Original Message-----
From: Dad
Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 11:10 AM
To: Sara
dicky: can't find my overnite bag that I lent you. did you swap it for
2 tall boys or what. it was not inside your mother's coffin bag

----- Original Message -----
From: Sara
Date: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 11:16 am
Subject: RE:
Did you check her plaid bag? I put it in that b/c I took both away with me.

-----Original Message-----
From: Dad
Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 11:26 AM
To: Sara

Monday, March 20, 2006

"We Got Annie!"

So tired. So strung out on good times, fun laughs, and beantown. The trip up north officially ended a half hour ago when my sister almost ran over some bike messenger on 1st Avenue and then Brandy and I cursed at him while he tried to get my sister to roll down her window. Then I came home to a messy bedroom full of an overflowing garbage can of tissues, added some more from my favorite winter coat's pocket, swore to get that coat dry cleaned, and then put on my bathrobe.

We had so much fun. I am far too tired to get into specifics but allow me to say that pictures speak a thousand words. And pictures you will get. Once Giulia sends them and Brandy uploads them.

Someone needs to learn to bring her own digital camera when she travels.

And to lay off the Roy Rogers and Friendly's Fribbles. Gag.

I love you all.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Sick as a Dawg

I am sick. This is getting worse. By tomorrow I'd better be able to breathe out of my left nostril or there will be hell to pay. I just had two cans of guiness and two slices of pizza with sausage and spinach and a whole lotta garlic. Anyone want to make out with the garlic lepper?

Yeah I thought so.

Well back to my MTV.

Ahh Sweet Sweet Cupcake

Hey kids check this out, my interview on cupcakes on the lovely Rachel Kramer Bussel's cupcake devoted blog.


All The Home Boys Sweat You, So You're Crazy Cool

How is it that I JUST downloaded "Around the Way Girl"?? I could have sworn I had this on my ipod at some point.

Tokyo Rose

If anyone ever wants to question why I love going to Asia so much then please look no further to the t-shirt I will be buying all of my friends in three weeks.

Mom, Dad, if it ever comes up - you did in fact raise quite the lady. (insert obnoxious snickering)

You Know I Like My Girls A Little Bit Older

It's 7:30am and I'm wide awake. Why is it that on a day that I actually have off am I not sleeping till 10am? It may have something to do with the fact that life is funny like that (isn't it ironic Alanis?) OR it could be because I have been running myself ragged over the past two weeks and waking up every hour on the hour (thanks 1010 wins) due to constant coughing, sneezing, blowings of the nose. What gives SJ? Why must you burn the candle at both ends? Why must you overbook yourself to the point where you're now making pre-dinner dinner plans with people? Momma needs to slow the fuck down is all. I think Brandy and I made the smart choice to head up to Boston tomorrow (especially since now my sister is driving us), but that might just be the smartest deicions two girls who last week walked into a bar with a handbag full of Coors Light tall boys, have made in over a week. Nice work.

PS - it's our anniversary. NO, not you and me. Me and Brandy. If she weren't so sick and I wasn't stuffed to the point that I'm ready to tear my nose off, surely we'd be together right now. So just suck it.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Too Busy for That

In two days I'll be in Boston visting Giulia and Tim and along with Brandy, performing in the Boston premier of "Mortified". The other night while having my music recorded (by the lovely Brendon), it was noted that I must have loved asshole guys when I was younger. Also, that I was and still am a bit of a theater fag (this we knew people - really are there any surprises?) My point? Oh don't have one. But apparently on CNN, breaking news is that:
Jessica Simpson loves Bush, not fundraisers

Wow. Are we still at war? I'm just checking because oh I don't know how important it is to note that Jessica Simpson is clearly a LESBO! And another thing I happen to - wait what? She's not? They mean the President? Well most people liked him where as his son - oh you mean the younger Bush.......awkward.....and here I figured her dad's constant touching had turned her off from men forever. I mena that would explain her leaving La Lachey and all....Well I stand corrected.

Giulia and Tim, get ready

By the way in case anyone is retarded and can't read my calendar to the right (or simply could give a fat fuck) Brandy and I are not going to Boston tomorrow. I repeat, Brandy and Sara are not going to Boston tomorrow. We are however, going up in style (with my sister) on Saturday morning. Honestly this post is for shit. I got home from work tonight at 10pm. Does anyone care about me??!!! Honestly.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Just Like a Calgon Commercial I Really Gotta Get Up Outta Here and Go Somewhere

Will someone please take me away already? I can't stand it anymore. I really need a beach, some sun, tropical cocktails. The closest I am coming to this is listening to "Kokomo" on my ipod with my eyes closed, while fantasizing about doing it with John Stamos and his drums.

Seriously, let's fucking go away already!

Everything Means Everything

After running out of a particular prescription this weekend, I noticed that "no refills" was listed on the bottom in a yellow font. So after taking the last of it on Saturday I then called my doctor only to receive the oh-so-helpful answering service who took my name, number, brief message and then probably took a shit on the piece of paper with all of information, as it's now Monday and no one ever bothered to call me back. And I called four times. So now I am waiting at my apartment, late for work, because I have to wait until my doctor is finished playing his 18 holes of golf (wait, is that even how you say it? Oh who gives a rat's ass) Then I'll have to wait at the oh-s-helpful CVS pharmacy where the line will be out the door because I live in the neighborhood equivalent of Boca Raton, Florida. Yes, old people galore.


Sunday, March 12, 2006

Something Tells Me I'm Into Something Good

Sometimes something occurs to you and it takes a drunken late night to discover.

Furthermore, I watched "Deuce Bigelow European Gigolo" yesterday and laughed really, really, really too hard.

Someone pass me a banana peel I feel a pratfall coming on.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Maybe It's Not So Great Afterall

Today was a glorious day. I don't need to tell you that. It was 70 degrees people!

What just made this amazing day a little less amazing......I just ate barely cooked whole wheat pasta, olive oil, garlic, ground turkey in a red wine sauce. Not so good. Feel sort of sick. Need to pull myself together and head out for the night. But know this, when you have the choice between making everything on the 3rd shelf of your cabinent next to the stove OR pay $3.00 for a slice of pizza next door.....get the fucking pizza.

I haven't even begun drinking (well okay I had two teeny tiny glasses of wine)* and already I feel like I'm about to puke. And I'm apparently drunk. Way to make a solid choice SJ.

* raise your hand if you think these were two big glasses of wine...

Secret Lovers

On my way to my boss's office I noticed a box full of leftover cupcakes no one wanted. Fatty wants them.

I just shoved an entire cupcake into my mouth with one hand, while pouring a glass of skim milk with the other. Talk about multitasking. I'm adding that to my year-end review.

I'm awesome.

More Than A Feeling

A week from today I, along with my female companion Brandy Barber, will be heading up north to spend the holiday weekend with Giulia Rozzi and her fancy fiancee Tim. Oh is there a holiday Sara Jo? Um yes...yes there is. And which one would that be? Oh the greatest of holidays for those who like to drink beer at 9am - St Patricks Day.

Boston is one of my most favorite cities and I'm super excited to see how Miss Rozzi rolls now that she's waved bye bye to NYC. Plus it's never a bad time per say, when Barber and I start drinking on the ride up via the Fung Wa bus.

Mmm, I'm not sure how I feel about this ensemble. And I'm not just refering to her plump state and turquoise taxi hat. Beat it Newsies, this lane is reserved for Brit Brit and Feds. That little hanger job is cute though.

And the baby's not too shabby either! BONK!

And finally people, I just ate this. All up. In two bites. It would have been one had I been wearing my grey gap sweatpants and been sitting on my couch. But I was in a conference room of people I work with. So the option was not an option.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

"Can you guys believe this girl fucks me??!!" No Billy, even she can't.

Billy Joel, NO. It's not only stomach-turning that you married a girl born when you wrote "Uptown Girl", but now she's hosting a cooking show "Top Chef" on Bravo??!! WHAT??

Kate, you are homely, bland, and frankly I don't think you can memorize your home phone number, let alone one line in this show. As host I feel it is your job to make me want to tune in, not burn my collection of Billy Joel's Greatest Hits out of protest. Nevermind that those should have been burned a long, long time ago.

I didn't fart you liar.

Is She Really Gonna Take Him Home Tonight? PART UNO

Matt Sears sits in as one of my exes....Berry.

Last night I did a little spot at ye old Otto's Shrunken Head for the "Best of" Brutal Honesty. It was in a word, honest. And yes I sang Carly Simon's "Coming Around Again" from the movie "Hearburn". So WHAT??!!

Brandy gets fed her cake.

Me working myself into a Carly Simon song.

Ladies and gents Berry.

"So don't mind if I fall apart. There's more room in a broken heart"

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I Know Nothing Stays the Same....

Tonight at Otto's Shrunken Head, is where you'll be able to find me and some of my favorite comedy co-horts. It's the "Best Of" Brutal Honesty. And to be brutally honest, you're a dick if you miss this show.**

There. I said it.

** No no, not you. I know why you can't come tonight.

Tuesday, March 7th (that's tomorrow!!)
BRUTAL HONESTY "The Best of Edition"
Otto's Shrunken Head
538 East 14th (btwn A & B)

Hosted by Lianne Stokes, Giulia Rozzi, and Becky Yamamoto.
Here I will retell the story of my google gone bad, where I googled an ex-boyfriend, only to find his wedding registry that included a cook book for "lovers" and a cow creamer. What a douche.

Sara Jo Allocco ("Google It, Just a Little Bit")
Rachel Kramer Bussel ("I Have Food Issues")
Brandy Barber ("My Worst Birthday. Ever")
Bex Schwartz ("Drugs, Drinks, and the Downward Spiral")
Michael Cyril Creighton ("I Have Food Issues")
Joe Randazzo ("Masturbation....EWWW!")

Monday, March 06, 2006

Sire My Throats On Fire!

But regardless I am doing a little gig of sorts tonight at :

Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

My partner in crime, Brandy Barber will be helping me out in a little ode to one of the greatest films of our time.....Shag. I wish I wasn't kidding because no one could outdance Briget Fonda like Barber.

OH and for those of you who are always asking why I threaten to take dumps on things, please look no further than this snap shot of me on Thursday night during our "set". Hey Los Diablos, you don't scare ME!

"Hey Sean you said we couldn't touch the equipment but how about if I take a dump on it?" (Barber and Sears look on in horror)

Friday, March 03, 2006

I'm Ready For The Rougher Stuff

Some highlights of our performance last night at Variety Underground include (but are not limited to) the following:

~ rug burns
~ vomit
~ screaming
~ Jesus.
~ Los Diablos

Once Brandy uploads the pics I shall post them here my friends. And since my camera is three years old I refuse to take it out in protest of wanting a new one. Plus I drink a lot so I'll probably end up losing my monthly metrocard.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Bunny Hop

TONIGHT: Allocco & Barber are bunnies.

That's all you need to know. BELCH.

But you might also need to know the when and where. In which case, may I interest you in checking out my calendar to the right? Thanks ma'am.

It's that little souvenir of a terrible year

That makes my eyes sore....

This morning I thought I spotted an old boyfriend on the subway. Keep in mind that this is an old boyfriend who is now married and to whom I have not spoken a word to in oh I don't know, five years. Awesome.

The 27 year-old adult in me wanted to say hello and see how his life is.

The 22 year-old immature college grad in me instead hit behind my AM New York.

You really do have to love a city where there's always the possiblity of running into a guy you dated five years ago, when it's 8:45am and you "forgot" to put concealer on that teeny tiny little pimple on your chin.

No, I really do heart you NY.