Wednesday, June 29, 2005

I'm Gonna Have to Ask You To Come in on Saturday

dorks and hos
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
What the fuck. I've been watching the WB for the past three hours as I pack, try to load songs onto my Ipod, and catch up on reading friends blogs. I must say, I've really warmed up to that little dork Richard on "Beauty and the Geek". The kid that plays young Superman on Smallville is hot in a date rapey way. And "Friends" always makes me smile.
Now there's a commercial on for this new icebox of Coors Lights. I wish I had a cigarette, and a beer. Sigh.

Although We've Come, to the End of the Road

Backside is the best side
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
It all began innocently enough, with me looking for a white top to wear in Peru. It became every salesgirl's nightmare. Don't let us lose in a dressing room full of cotton possibilities and tell us it's not raining. This shot was at about the time Angela decided to march throughout the dressing room area looking like a weightlifter from the 30's. My girl's got balls.

Ze Hotpants

Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Would you believe me if I told you that I actually parted with these? I just didn't think they'd be useful whilst hiking Machu Piccu...something tells me I was wrong.

"You guys want my soft tacos??"

Me to a bunch of 34 year-old skate punks outside the Hat. They did let us bum cigarettes off of them and lit them for us, they declined my offer. They tried to crack a few jokes about their "muscles" before Angela and I looked at each other and without saying a word, walked away while one was in mid-sentence.

Then it was onto American Apparel where we managed to somehow take 20+ photos in a matter of 35 minutes, even though we were told on our way out that we couldn't take pictures. Nice. Might want to mention that when people walk in ands start taking photos.

Have Fun at the Wedding!!!!!

Sa Shay Shantay!
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
This from some 20 year-old half-wit, who actually believed that I was going to wear a green unitard to my ex-boyfriend's wedding.

I encourage you to look through my photos to see just how me and Miss Ang destroyed the dressing room at American Apparel.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Come Pick Me Up, I've Landed

By My Side
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
You know when something suddenly dawns on you? Like when the very thing that you've been pushing out of your mind for months, slowly creeps it's way into your brain, commands full attention and will not be ignored? I'm sort of seeing my thing. And man, have I been lame. What's taken me so long to realize that some things in life just aren't acceptable, no matter how hard we try to make them to be. Just finished my daily lunch with my dear friend Danielle, and I must say that our lunches are always full of insight and honesty. Gossip, yes and of course, but it's like every day at noon, we reconvene and remind ourselves of mistakes we've made, things we need to work on, where we want to be this time next week, next month, next year. It's a nice feeling. Plus, while I was home at my parent's on Sunday, my mom bought me cheeze-its and hersey kisses. So I've got that going for me....which is nice.

Oh, and this picture is where I see myself in 60 years. Sitting on my private beach with my cute old husband, who at 85+ years, is still looking out for me.

"We All Want to be loved Baby. Just that Some of Us Are Better At It Than Others"

michael buble
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
So said an old co-worker of mine. Yes, it was a he. Yes he used to call me baby. No it didn't at all make me feel uncomfortable because he was like seven older than me and hot as hell. Now, it's sort of gay more than creepy. But he was married to this broad who he had met two weeks after moving to NY. He had just gotten out of a three year relationship with the girl he thought he wanted to marry. Met this girl in some bar, and voila - two months later they were married. Yeah and guess what - it didn't last. I'm sure his ex-girlfriend is probably onto her second kid, happily married. This is what happens when people are convinced that they can fall right in love with the next thing that comes along. It won't work. So don't even try it.

Who's Gonna Talk to me on the Phone Till the Sun Comes Up?

are you my boyfriend?
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
I think I should start dating Vince Vaughn. Like now. I'm sure he has just as many emotional issues as the next creative douche, but at least he's tall and hot. He'd make me happy for about a month or two. Then if he's whiney, needy, or emotionally fucked - I'm out.

All I Want, Is To Be In This Moment

I am having a terrible morning so far. I fell coming up the stairs on the L train and NO ONE tried to help or even muttered an "Are you okay??". Stupid A-Holes. Sometimes, I hate this fucking city and all the trolls that live in it. (this keep in mind coming from a native New Yorker). Then I get an annoying phone call, everyone's bugging me, and all I want to do is eat my cheerios that will help lower my cholesterol, and my goddamn 25 cent banana that I bought from the fruit man outside of the A train. GET OFF MY BACK!!! Not you, not you. The very people that bug and bother me don't even know this little blog exists. And if they do - they sure as shit don't read it.

I'm beginning to see this trip to Peru as a nice little break from all. Help me clear my mind and get me back on the right track. So, the next time I fall on the L train at least I'll have a Zen moment rather than to flip off the little gangsta thug who walked on top of me. DOUCHE!!!

Monday, June 27, 2005

Sweetie Cherries

Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Me and my beloved Brandy, post show. Tired but still smiling for the cameras. Like Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney after the wrap party of "Meet Me in St Louis". (And yes, I'd play Mickey complete with bald cap)


Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Show is over. I am spent...and sad. So glad that we had such a great run. Love everyone so much - even when it's 3am and I'm having a temper tantrum because I want to hear Porter sing "Landed" by Ben Folds.

Sweet sweet magic that is sketch comedy.

Friday, June 24, 2005

All I Really Wanted Was Some of Your Time, Until You Told Me Lies When Someone Else Was on Your Mind

Oooh Baby Baby
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
This is the fucking hottest man in the world. He's so fucking sexy I cannot stand it. The rule of being able to walk around topless was invented for this man. Unfortunately, the closest I've ever come to touching you dear Christian is making out with one of your co-stars in the 1992 Disney Flick, "Newsies". But I'ma keep tryin' for you boo.

Welcome to the Jungle, We've Got Fun and Games

Pretty Place
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Here's where we're staying in Iquitos. Isn't it perty?? That'll be me floating on a raft with a cocktail of some sort in my right hand. This trip we are doing it ALL: Machu Piccu, the ruins, the hot springs, the jungle, pink dolphin riding (oh god please let me have a ride on a fucking dolphin) If this doesn't work out I can always offer to give one on my back - no different than the ones I tried to give Annie, Kelly and Shannon while we were in South Beach.

What The Fuck Kind of Animal Is This???

You Ugly
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Who knows, but I'll probably be riding one while in Iquitos. That's right peeps, Sara's headed to the Amazon while in Peru. This time next week I'll be in South America. Land of the Incas. I get more and more excited and trilled with each shot. No malaria, hep A or B, typhoid or yellow fever for this rock and roll clown.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

"Hey Frank, Why Don't You Get F'd in the A Wit a Dild"

Larry Will Love This!
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Yum yum yum. I just inhaled an entire Philadelphia roll and some endame. Me rikey a rot. Best part? It was expensed! Only because it's nearly 7 and I'm still at work with a pending deadline. What better way to take a break, than to write in my blog.

So - update: no longer sad and whiney. In fact feel a lot better. (insert "How Lovely to Be a Woman" as I flip off god) I also just found out that I may travel some more for work with my dear friend Vivian. We'd be going to the Caribbean - this after I'm in Puerto Rico for four days, also for work. (fast forward to her and I on the beach sipping daiquiris) AND I leave for Peru a week from tomorrow. I am so excited! This is the first time I've ever taken a vacation to a non-tropical local. (well besides Montreal, Vegas, San Fran, and Tokyo) Basically it's my first adventure styled trip. So for 9 days I will be pretending that I'm on "The Amazing Race"! What fun! Now if only I could find the time to break in Annie's hiking boots. Sheeat.

This is Me, Five Seconds Ago

Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Songs on my Ipod in heavy rotation this morning:
"Crybaby" - Mariah Carey
"Didn't We Almost Have It All" - Whitney
"Every time" - Britney
"Cry Me a River" -Justin
"Superstar" - Carpenters

It's that time of the month - and Sara's PMS-ing. So what if I like to play sad songs and start crying at my desk in the morning? This is normal. Well, not really but it is for me. It's my one day of the month to let myself just be sad, and think about the things that I've been pushing out of my mind for days, weeks, months. You really should try it sometime. But not when there's a conference room of people staring at you. Then you need to keep it together. Trust me.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

That's His Home For the Next 8 Hours You Twit!!!!

"Sire, please!"
Originally uploaded by branleighbarber.
Here I am in the midst of telling some 22 year-old skank to stop giving head to some chode she was riding in the cab with. How dare she? That's Omar's home for the next few hours. And so WHAT, if it turned out to be that she was only tying her shoe and NOT giving oral? I still win because I have a blue tutu sticking out of my bag.

May-December Assholes

cool it old man
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Ha ha. Tom got squirted in the face. He acted as though it had never happened before and was appalled!! Come on Tommy, who are you kidding? You've dated gay male porn stars. I'm sure you've been hit the face many a time....with jiz! (insert my disco call and eat me)

Monday, June 20, 2005

You're a Pal and a Confidante

Cast and Crew of Calendarize!
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
This is an adorable shot of the cast and crew of "Calendarize" (One show left partners - who's in for the 25th??) This show could not have been as successful or as grand had it not been for the team work and love that is between us all. Anne continues to rock it like a pro in the tech booth, making it better and better every week. Matt is a doll who is uber talented at editing, performing, and being kind. Brandy is my rock and the ying to my yang. I'm really glad how this all turned out.

I hope that everyone who came to see the show on opening night, will come back b/c we've made great changes and tightened everything up into one nice little show with a bowtie made of jell-o shots. Yum yum yum!

Not pictured: our director and mentor - Kevin Allison, the adorable Marcus from the PIT who has run the box office every night thus far. He's a sweetheart!, and of course all of my friends who have come out to support, show some love, and laugh at our jokes.

Yay!!! Fuzzy feelings!!

I Might Crush You In Half

Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
There are several things I may never be good at: watching dogs clean up their own vomit; being able to tolerate a toddler or infant screaming and not wishing to stick the aforementioned child back inside their mother; rock-climbing (seriously, why would I?) There are some things I am not good at now, but could learn to be a bit better at in the near future: having all around patience; balancing my finances; going to bed at a decent hour; reading most books in their entirety. Now, there is one thing that I am good at but would rather not be at this moment because I'd rather just be me: a caretaker. I'm not used to nursing people back to health, cooing someone into believing they are worth it, delicately letting someone know that everything's going to be alright. I guess I just don't have that in me right now. I mean I have and I could and I would and I will, but right now - it's not on my agenda. So when someone has a breakdown or freaks out or needs to vent - I totally let them. When someone needs a shoulder to cry on, advice or a few jokes thrown their way - I'm your girl. But if someone suddenly gets all depressed and asks questions they don't really want the answers to, then gets mad at me for trying to help them - well then you're on your own buddy. In my life at this point - overtly sensitive people need not to apply. I wouldn't ask you to spend 45 minutes helping me with something only to tell you that you made it worse by speaking. That's just not nice.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Knock It Off!!!: An Open Letter to Tom Cruise

Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Dear Tom,

As I write this plea, I am inhaling a cup of matzo-ball soup from the diner. It's a little buttery but overall pretty satisfying, and thank you for asking. We need to talk about your engagement to Katie. Now Tom, I know you're a thespian and passionate about your craft, life, and love - but honestly isn't this all a bit too much?? The couch-acrobatics, the endless smooches, the phrases you're throwing out, like "Katie's awesome", "That's hot", "I like women". They're just all proving to be too much of a charade to take. No one believes you. Enough with your lies. Now, it's totally cool if you aren't in fact gay, and actually do enjoy the females. Yes I said it Tom. I'm fine with it! (in spite of the fact that for years I've been telling anyone who will listen that you are gay but whatevs) So you like Katie, that's sweet and all but you're putting on such an act that it's making everyone skeptical of whether this "love" is real or fake. I opt for the latter because as it would seem to me dear Thomas, it is very coincidental that you have a huge summer blockbuster coming out and want to appeal to the kids, now that the ladies who you once made wet with "Risky Business", and even "Jerry Maguire" are all either nearing menopause or have discovered that you're short, sort of faggy, and that scientology isn't their bag. (this group includes me!) Therefore, you have to reach the next demographic of "kids" who shop at Abercrombie, drive Jettas, and have actually wasted countless hours of their lives watching "Dawson's Creek". I have three words for you - Creepy Old Man. Yes Tommy Boy, you are slowly becoming a creepy old man.

Oh and while I'm pretty much cutting you down I figured that I'll launch into why I don't plan on seeing your movie: I don't buy you as a dock-worker from New Jersey (or New York - whatever). You don't play blue collar very well.** That little troll Dakota Fanning should retire now before she starts doing lines in the bathroom of Marquee with Lohan and Ritchie. Spielberg is insane and so is his no-talent ass clown of a wife. I personally don't need to see yet another film where natural disaster in NYC is the highlight. Hey if I wanted to see building crumble and fire-engines overturned or smashed, I'd just watch some archives from September 11th. And don't make me go there Tom. Trust me, you do not want to piss this bitch off.

Hugs, Kisses, Medicine, and L. Ron Hubbard,
Sara Jo

** Unless of course you are joined by C Thomas Howell, Emilio Estevez, Patrick Swayze, Ralph Macchio, and Matt Dillon.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Lohan Should Have Punched You When She Had the Chance

dumb blonde
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Watching tv with my roomie Annie, when the trailer for Duff's newest film appeared before our eyes. We sat in silence before Annie turned to me and said, "if I were Lindsay Lohan I would have kicked her ass". I couldn't do anything but smile and nod in agreement.

This folks, is why we're roommates and friends.


he's the funny one
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
This is a picture Bran took of me and my dear friend and mentor, Kevin Allison during our Level One show at the UCB on Sunday. In this scene Kevin and I are playing Smurfs. I am Papa Smurf who's wife just left and he's my therapist. Or was he a reporter? The main point is that we both started laughing on stage because neither one of us could figure out what was going on in the scene.

Oh professionals!

Oh Baby I Was Bound for Mexico...

mexico I hardly knew you
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
I just got back from a brief trip to Mexico. And no it was not for a drug deal as my father initially suspected. Besides, if I wanted to sell drugs I'd just sell them here in NY to my Kelly, Anne, Brandy, or Matt.
I couldn't help singing Glenn Frys "Smugglers Blues" while I went through customs. I doubt that they appreciated it.
But seriously, where's my money Juan? Honestly.

Friday, June 10, 2005

My Favorite Mistake

tight ends
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Yeah so what. So what if I along with every other girl in the tri-state area, wanted to do Derek Jeter? The year was 1997. The Yankees were hotter than ever. Sara was hotter than ever for Jeter. I believe my boyfriend in college even provided me with a poster of Jeter to hang near my bed. This was 97' people - get off my case! Fast forward to 2000 and Tino is my new man. Then skip ahead 5 more years and both of them sort of give me the creeps.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

These Boots Are Made For Walking...But Not When It's 90 Degrees Outside.

cowboy boots
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
I'd like to give a bit of advice to all of the girls I've seen stomping around in their cowboy boots in the past week: HEY BITCHES - IT'S FUCKING HOT OUTSIDE! Why don't you take your "vintage" shit-kickers and stomp your way back into Williamsburg and change into a pair of flip flops. Shit, you can even put on a pair of espadrilles. I don't give a shit. Just please, please, please - take the goddamn boots off.

We get it - you're cool, hip, and down with what's hot in fashion and now even Lindsay, Jessica, and Brit Brit are dressing like you. But bitches, if I didn't say this before, allow me to say it even louder IT'S FUCKING HOT OUTSIDE!! Not even a REAL cowgirl would argue with me.

So seriously, lose the boots.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

All I Care About In This World Are My Drums, Me and You

Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
And now I sing a song to Eric Stoltz (A Shakira tune no less)

Lucky you were born that far away so
We could both make fun of distance
Lucky that I love a foreign land for
The lucky fact of your existence

Baby I would climb the Andes solely
To count the freckles on your body
Never could imagine there were only
Ten Million ways to love somebody

Le ro lo le lo le, Le ro lo le lo le
Can't you see
I'm at your feet

Whenever, wherever
We're meant to be together
I'll be there and you'll be near
And that's the deal my dear

Thereover, hereunder
You'll never have to wonder
We can always play by ear
But that's the deal my dear

(insert curtsey)

Gawker Stalker

My NY Times
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
People have asked me, "Sara why is your home page Gawker?". It's for special moments like this when I get off the phone after a weird conversation with someone, then click on my homepage to find the latest edition of gawker stalker. This one made me laugh out loud. People in NYC are funny.

"I followed Billy Joel and his wife down Prince Street for a bit on Saturday 6/4. I assumed that he was going to show her where Mr. Caccitore’s down on Sullivan Street once was, but instead he went into the new teany"

No clue as to why I laughed louder then I should have at my desk, but I did. Thank you Gawker.

The Tiny Terrorist

suck it
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
So after being forced to spend at least $5 at some shitty diner in my old hood, Brandy, Anne and Matt told me the saddest (read: funniest) thing. Apparently without knowing, on Saturday night I sabotaged Brandy's pre-show pep talk by throwing my arms up to block the sound coming from their mouths and shouted "SHUT UP! I cannot deal right now!!” I then unbeknownst to me, began scrawling our running order in cryptic font with a menacing glimmer in my eye. OH and I almost punched Matt in the nuts and/or pushed him off of the stage in my "last scene of the show" terror.

It was hot. We were let in late. It was hot. OK and I admit - sometimes when performing I sadly become Judy Garland after one too many highballs and my dear friends and co-stars can only be found cowering in a corner like Mickey Rooney screaming "JUDY NO MORE PILLS!!!”

I love you guys.

Think I Fell in Love with The 8th World Wonder

machu piccu bitches!
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Machu Piccu - see you in less than a month!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Boo Freakin' Hoo

tourist trap
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
I am so glad that the West Side stadium will not happen. I for one wasn't trilled about the 2012 Olympics taking place here. 11 years after 9/11, I still don't think NYC would be ready. We are afterall the biggest target here in the US. So why make that target even more apparent? Does anyone remember last August, when Bush and his faggy co-horts rode into town on a big fat horse made of gold and oil? Let me remind thee: NYC was in a complete state of panic. I rode the fucking subway from Times Square to Williamsburg, and aside from a few frightened tourists, I was met with hard looks and glances from the bullet-proof vest wearing po-lice. Not angry looks. More like, "Why the fuck is George Bush in NY? Why couldn't he pick some podunk town in the Midwest. Shit. Now I have to work overtime". Yeah. I know that's a lot for me to read off of one officers face, but when you're all alone on an E train, you can either smile politely at the only man who might save you in case of explosive - or read another Bacardi Ad.

And I digress. I just don't think NYC needed the stadium, nor wanted the fucking stadium. Take your trashy Jets hats wearing Jerseyites back to Jersey. And keep them there. Me and the old Chinese man with the saw on the A train a thank you for it.

Thanks Doctor Zizmor

Dr Z
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
What gives with this face? Seriously. For the past few months I have been breaking out like a 14 year-old boy named Evan. I went to Kelly's dermatologist (who might I add is very handsome) and he told me that it's the result of stress (no kidding), lack of water (indeed), and possibly caused by my medicine (suck it thyroid). So now I have a breakout every few days. My face is beginning to look like a map of the Galapagos Islands. Minus the cute sea life and feathered creatures.

Gaylords Unite!

Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
It appears my friends that I have been bitten by the ol' horn dog bug. I cannot stop thinking of making out with boys. What the fuck is my problem? And not just random boys but like school girl crush on a rock star type of boys. None of them are rock stars but in my world - they might as well be.

It must be this weather. This hot, sticky, sweltering heat is proving to be too much for this young lass to take. It makes me want to run away to the beach where a young Josh Brolin will see me frolicking and want to make a the sweet sweet love with me.

Ha ha. Josh Brolin. What a dick.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

I'm About To Lose Control and I Think I Like It (Oh Yeah)

Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Holy fucking shit. Tonight is the opening night of our four week run of CALENDARIZE! All of the rehearsals, angst, late nights, tears, laughs, and joy - all come together tonight for our very first show! I slept till 11:30am. Am enjoying a delicious cup of coffee. It's gorgeous out and I can feel a lovely breeze coming through my window as I type this.

I'm nervous. I'm excited. I still feel as though I have so much to do.

Holy fucking shit.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

That's Not a Word We Use Here in the Forest...

comedy at it's best
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you one of funniest sketch groups out there at this time: The Barnes and Noble Fools. And guess what they specialize in…POLITICAL BRAND HUMOR! Sara's favorite (insert dry heaves and vomit)

Anne, Birch, Porter - you're all special angels.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Snickers 9, Sara Nothin'

eat it
Originally uploaded by saraisloco.
I can't stop myself! I keep eating the little snicker minis. (think the tiniest ones they make these days) So far today I managed to have three at 11am, and then another one around 1, and now just sat at my desk and had another 5. So that's like the equivalent of one bar....king sized....right???